Extended Lie

Just woke up sitting in the stairs with y palm on my cheek. I look myself in the mirror with my sleepy eyes and frenzy hair. Is its still me? did I grew up according to what my parents want me to? so many questions just rushing in my mind. All I did was stare to where ever my eyes feels comfortable to look. Was it another dream last night that I feel empty today. If it was a dream why did I feel the pain in my chest? why did I made a murmur? was it just a dream or something happened to me last night in which I just don't want to think about it.

As I gasp some air to refresh my mind. So many things I wanted to do, so many plans I want to implement, so many suggestions I want to follow. All those things just pass my mind. It feels frustrating when everyone thinks that they think what you know don't exist. Or the thing that they all know were just fake. You yourself knows the real story and the real deal and things are not the same as they expect and see.But no matter how hard you try you just cant make it. Its like standing in a corner and being useless. You keep trying but still everything is the same. It's like your effort are just being eaten down easily but just brag down your self wort. Pulling your self confidence to the lowest part of your being. When people look at you with sympathy and pity when they found out that it was all wrong. You its not what they think and imagine about you while you yourself had observe the things that were happening around you.

It fees bad when everyone wants and what everybody desires are and agreed was not the thing that happened to you. That its not what they were all thinking in the first place. When all they see was not the truth that was revealed instead it was just an immersion and social denial. When everyone turns there back and conclude. As denials were told and done and shown, criticisms and comparison happened. Letting go of it would be the solution to stop the torment and end the started situation. Its a game that is easy to start but hard to finish.

How can you propose when there are some people that are waiting and observing for your relationship to fall and break. When you noticed that your standing in the place were assumption is placed. Would you tell the words that will made her die inside? even if things are so extrovert. I don't want to arrive to a conclusion that at least I told her. So what If I said it, it was just all garbage that run out from my mouth because there were no feelings attached on it. And i don't want to abuse those line that can change someones feelings to others the moment they hear it.

If telling was an assurance then promises should not be broken. Even signing a piece of paper in front of the altar is not even an assurance to someone you are committed of.At least if she will deny me its not that heavy to accept because there was a level were we assumed.

Gap

Lying in bed staring at the ceiling wondering on what will happen to me today. Just woke up late again when I realize its already morning. As the radiance of the sun beams upon my face and then I rub my eyes. Last night I slept with my cellphone on my ear talking to someone late at night. Hearing her voice in the dawn was like cold swift winds entering my ear that runs to myself and brought me to calmness.

I can clearly hear the voice even if its on the other side of the line but still it was clear when it approaches my ear its like she was there whispering right beside me. It's because late at night when all the world is half asleep only her voice out stands the silence that made us apart.

As we cheat the night expressing things and feelings in private talking secrets and stuffs that entertain us. We laugh with our mispronounced words and grammars. Asking how was your day? as we start and end topics we discussed. The more we know each other sides and backgrounds. We created another world of our own even if it only exist in the hearing senses.

We enter the night together and end the dawn at the same time. Moments like this maybe stolen because our voices are kept low and our actions are only limited coz we can only speak and who needs actions when you got words. We can only laugh silently causing us to giggle. We share things that happened not only for today but also sharing the past as we are trying to relate each other. I can tell that there were part of it that it was serious and formal when the sound of the voice is different from the ones I tease. It's like the words are attached with the other message that you can only feel not hear.

It seems the more I asked the more I got related and the more I got closer before. But it was just coincidence that masked my way and covered myself from her. It like all the people around me were facing there back at me not seeing the front appearance that I can know and recognize them.Realizing that I was just around the corner if you turn around and spin your head I'm just steps away maybe in a corner sitting down with my legs swaying. As I said to myself in silence what a small world that we have but if it was really this small why haven't I known you earlier?, Why haven't I saw you why jut now? things could have been different at the moment? is this the offer of life that they say "everything is connected to everything".

As I found out that maybe it was like this because so many people wanted to be by your side that wanted to be close to you in an instant that wanted your immediate attention. To the people that I witnessed there motive and agenda. As our gap increases more when I saw reality that created a distance between us. Because I considered some things which I shouldn't have done. Ive compared the status and situation that I might get involved among us. And look at were I am standing and located at the moment.

But I don't have same intension's with them, just want to roam around this rotten world and foul life that we have. No matter how i look at it I still arrive in the constant confusion that everything is just going with the flow. If I'm wrong with this interpretation and premonition at least I was happy on the assumption side and I'll just forget it like a bubble that burst in front of me whipping the splash on my eyes erasing the memories that created a temporary enjoyment. In this case i can move on easily because I know it was just temporary. By this time I hope your presence wont linger anymore.

Still...

I knew that this moment would come in time, that I'd have to let you go and watch you fly. I guess there was no easy way to say goodbye. I don't want to leave you this way but I know this might be the very last time we see each other cry.

Still... this heart of mine awaits you, and it'll always will. Flames may fade away but a small spark can sent it ablaze once again.

Still... these weary eyes long for you, for all it sees is how wonderful my life is being spent with you. Though blurred up in tears it will always find that silhouette form of your face.

Still... these arms crave for you warmth embrace, for it'll always remember how ardent your touches feels like. With it I could treasure you forever.

Still... these feet will walk towards you, yearning for us to be together again. For only with you I could embark on a journey of happiness and fulfillment.

Still... I will be here, waiting for you. So if you come back, you'll find me. Believing that someday you and I would be together again.