Abandoned.

I never thought that all I was living for would be gone and would perish. When all that I spent preparing for the future just won't work since I will be alone heading on that path. It's hard when your journey in life are now miles away, when you turn back it's only you and no one other else. How will you ever find your way back? when you realize you are their standing alone in the middle of no where. All those plans are gone, those laughter will remain to remind me something that was sad.

It's a foul feeling knowing no one's gonna be there for you. It's a grueling emotion that someone left and abandoned you. The feeling of being dumped, cheated and replaced in a sense that when you comeback your not getting anything else. It's like trying to give a toy to a child but after the child reaches your hand your not just gonna give it.

How would you dictate your feelings that you are just fine even if you are not. How are you gonna face those days that's ahead of you? And when all of a sudden those memories just flush in your head. Some are just remarkable moments felt with infinite happiness, some moments were filled with promises that were left unspoken. And now you know that those promises were just lies. Thinking and accepting those words were just alibis which were really lies in the first place.                                        

I always swore to be loyal and true to someone. But why did it ended like this? Is this the way all things stand all of a sudden? So it was just a lie along the road and merely it was just like a game.  If truth was not exploited with pride and tend not to lie then things would not be so confusing.

When all what's left in you are those words that she said that keeps running in your head. All those words that made you realize that there was guilt in the middle of those words. That pride was there to kill the scenario and to dictate the flow of the decision.  Time just elapsed by and it just turned out to be a sudden and tragic moment.

When there was no chance for a second chapter of our lives. When I believe there was still another chance because I knew when I looked at her eyes. Something was still inside waiting, but it was just ignore and never given a chance.

And I doubt that those feelings didn't fade because not even amnesia can erase those memories in the past.  Those scars that will remain that would make you realize that our past was real.

And sometimes it's quite hard to keep fighting when you are on the losing side. Others just misunderstood you because of your actions. Sometimes giving up doesn't mean that a person quits. It's either they gave way or made a sacrifice. And sometimes the only person you can trust now is yourself. Which I realize in the first place I never really had the trust that I deserve.

Still finding the reasons what went wrong and how it ended. I think I'm gonna be trapped on this constant confusion for the rest of my days. My mind struggles to forget but my heart doesn't surrender only pain can win this fight in the end and that feeling I'm familiar with.

Maybe until I will held my head up high and keep moving on forward. There was no point in my life that I regret when all we can say before that "We used to be the best". But I guess now only time and God will judge this whole thing.

Something Within

Maybe it’s better to pretend to not hear anything about those promises made up in the stage of crowded individuals. Thus, we may not be dumbfounded to know that those promises were only just for show. “I will do this, I will do that”, that’s what they always say but I doubt if that’s what they always do. We are just a society too soaked on broken promises that we find it hard to believe in yet another promises made on stage. I wonder how they differentiate making a promise to someone and making promises to everyone. LIAR.

Sometimes it’s best to act as if you didn’t see a thing that you may have a peace of mind. We often see how they rob us in front of our very eyes, but we choose to be blind thinking that they are capable of doing something unwanted the moment we take a move on what we saw. Wrapped by fear, we saw nothing. CORRUPT.

It’s better for them not to say anything at all if they will just make a fool out of us. They play with our dreams and deceive our beliefs. They have these playful heart-warming words of uncertain truthfulness that breaks the difference between reality and natural fantasy. We utter words and they might just fall in deaf ears and in return gives us nothing but a devious smile. DECEITFUL.

Not to act would be our biggest mistake, nonetheless, you decide. FREEDOM.

Extended Lie

Just woke up sitting in the stairs with y palm on my cheek. I look myself in the mirror with my sleepy eyes and frenzy hair. Is its still me? did I grew up according to what my parents want me to? so many questions just rushing in my mind. All I did was stare to where ever my eyes feels comfortable to look. Was it another dream last night that I feel empty today. If it was a dream why did I feel the pain in my chest? why did I made a murmur? was it just a dream or something happened to me last night in which I just don't want to think about it.

As I gasp some air to refresh my mind. So many things I wanted to do, so many plans I want to implement, so many suggestions I want to follow. All those things just pass my mind. It feels frustrating when everyone thinks that they think what you know don't exist. Or the thing that they all know were just fake. You yourself knows the real story and the real deal and things are not the same as they expect and see.But no matter how hard you try you just cant make it. Its like standing in a corner and being useless. You keep trying but still everything is the same. It's like your effort are just being eaten down easily but just brag down your self wort. Pulling your self confidence to the lowest part of your being. When people look at you with sympathy and pity when they found out that it was all wrong. You its not what they think and imagine about you while you yourself had observe the things that were happening around you.

It fees bad when everyone wants and what everybody desires are and agreed was not the thing that happened to you. That its not what they were all thinking in the first place. When all they see was not the truth that was revealed instead it was just an immersion and social denial. When everyone turns there back and conclude. As denials were told and done and shown, criticisms and comparison happened. Letting go of it would be the solution to stop the torment and end the started situation. Its a game that is easy to start but hard to finish.

How can you propose when there are some people that are waiting and observing for your relationship to fall and break. When you noticed that your standing in the place were assumption is placed. Would you tell the words that will made her die inside? even if things are so extrovert. I don't want to arrive to a conclusion that at least I told her. So what If I said it, it was just all garbage that run out from my mouth because there were no feelings attached on it. And i don't want to abuse those line that can change someones feelings to others the moment they hear it.

If telling was an assurance then promises should not be broken. Even signing a piece of paper in front of the altar is not even an assurance to someone you are committed of.At least if she will deny me its not that heavy to accept because there was a level were we assumed.