Abandoned.

I never thought that all I was living for would be gone and would perish. When all that I spent preparing for the future just won't work since I will be alone heading on that path. It's hard when your journey in life are now miles away, when you turn back it's only you and no one other else. How will you ever find your way back? when you realize you are their standing alone in the middle of no where. All those plans are gone, those laughter will remain to remind me something that was sad.

It's a foul feeling knowing no one's gonna be there for you. It's a grueling emotion that someone left and abandoned you. The feeling of being dumped, cheated and replaced in a sense that when you comeback your not getting anything else. It's like trying to give a toy to a child but after the child reaches your hand your not just gonna give it.

How would you dictate your feelings that you are just fine even if you are not. How are you gonna face those days that's ahead of you? And when all of a sudden those memories just flush in your head. Some are just remarkable moments felt with infinite happiness, some moments were filled with promises that were left unspoken. And now you know that those promises were just lies. Thinking and accepting those words were just alibis which were really lies in the first place.                                        

I always swore to be loyal and true to someone. But why did it ended like this? Is this the way all things stand all of a sudden? So it was just a lie along the road and merely it was just like a game.  If truth was not exploited with pride and tend not to lie then things would not be so confusing.

When all what's left in you are those words that she said that keeps running in your head. All those words that made you realize that there was guilt in the middle of those words. That pride was there to kill the scenario and to dictate the flow of the decision.  Time just elapsed by and it just turned out to be a sudden and tragic moment.

When there was no chance for a second chapter of our lives. When I believe there was still another chance because I knew when I looked at her eyes. Something was still inside waiting, but it was just ignore and never given a chance.

And I doubt that those feelings didn't fade because not even amnesia can erase those memories in the past.  Those scars that will remain that would make you realize that our past was real.

And sometimes it's quite hard to keep fighting when you are on the losing side. Others just misunderstood you because of your actions. Sometimes giving up doesn't mean that a person quits. It's either they gave way or made a sacrifice. And sometimes the only person you can trust now is yourself. Which I realize in the first place I never really had the trust that I deserve.

Still finding the reasons what went wrong and how it ended. I think I'm gonna be trapped on this constant confusion for the rest of my days. My mind struggles to forget but my heart doesn't surrender only pain can win this fight in the end and that feeling I'm familiar with.

Maybe until I will held my head up high and keep moving on forward. There was no point in my life that I regret when all we can say before that "We used to be the best". But I guess now only time and God will judge this whole thing.